I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
