We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
