he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
