I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
