where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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