I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
