it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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