when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
