I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
