I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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