Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
