My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
