You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
