Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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