so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
