I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
