What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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