I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
