Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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