I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
