i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ketchup is God's man juice
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
