I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
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Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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