so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
