dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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