She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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