The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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