i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
