I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
there was a trapeze. enough said
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize