I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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