He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
