a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
