I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
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I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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