I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
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During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
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I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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