I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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