how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
