I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
