we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
