My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
