Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize