you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
