who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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