she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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