Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
