You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
