I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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