She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
