so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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