i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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