And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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