I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
