I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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