We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
