I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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