i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello