Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
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his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.