The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down