soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.