Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.