You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.