when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.