I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.