So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
