im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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