I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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