I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
