Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
