Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
